Reading Elin~

Thursday, November 25, 2004

time flies.can anyone of you deny that?
time passes so fast that i almost lose track of it.so fast that it seems like i'm losing grip of everything.so fast that sometimes i feel so overwhelmed with so many things that i'm having a hard time coping with it.
as i flipped through my form 5's autograph book.so much of my memories flashed back right before my eyes.so clear,so vivid that i thought it all happened yesterday.it suddenly dawned on me that i actually missed those days so much and a little voice in my head told me that i wish i could turn back time,back to the good old days.i wish i could have the chance to correct the things that i've done wrong and to do the things that i didn't have the chance to do.
this time i swear i'll never let any chances slip through my fingers ever again!!
but the truth is,i can never ever turn back time.
and yeah,truth hurts.

Elin~ @ 1:46 AM | u hav sumthin 2 say?

i wrote this when i was in form 4..found it today when i was cleaning up my drawers.. (= lousy stories!!what a cliche!!so dramatic!!yea yea i know that's what you gonna say..but it's the longest story i've ever wrote..so..here it is.. [ if you find it familiar..it's probably coz i was influenced too much by R.L Stine's and Christopher Pike's books..keke..=P ]

we were just getting ready to go to bed when i heard a knock on the door and then another.i got a shock.i wondered who could it be visiting us this late.i walked towards the door with curiousity,took a deep breath and opened it quickly.to my amazement,there was not a soul outside.
"dear,why did you open the door?" my mom asked.
"huh?didn't you hear anybody knocking the door?" i asked.
"no,why are you always hearing things?i suppose you're too tired these few days so go and have a good sleep now." she ordered.
"but mom,i'm not hearing..." i tried to protest.
"okay,okay,whatever,just go to bed now." my mom was getting impatient.
well,i had no choice but to obey her.i went to my room reluctantly and my mind was filled with confusion.i wonder whether my mom was right.was i too tired?was i only hearing things?i had no idea.i went to bed and tried to get everything out of my mind.i fell asleep very quickly.

thunder roared and lightning flashed across the sky violently.my parents were not at home for they had gone for one of my uncle's house in penang and i was left all alone at home.i was sitting comfortably on the sofa and was watching my favourite cartoon-Shrek.i was laughing my lungs out as it was a comedy,until i heard that knocking sound on the door again.i jumped from the sofa.i was stunned.could it be my imagination?i went slowly towards the window,i looked outside and saw my cousin standing right in front of the door.i could see the anxious look on her face and i immediately opened the door to let her in.

"annie,why?why do you look so nervous?is everything okay?"i asked curiously while she was locking the door.she turned around,but now,i could not see the anxiety on her pretty face anymore.her lips curled into an evil smile.i saw her holding a sharp,shining knife in her hand.a terrible fear gribbed my heart and my blood had turned to ice.

"what..what are you trying to do?put...put..put the knife down.you're freaking me out!" my mouth felt as dry as bone and i could only whisper.
"you killed my boyfriend!you killed him!now it's revenge time!" she screamed with anger.
"what are you talking about?why should i kill him?hey...calm down,calm down." i was scared to death.
"don't you ever try to deny,i know it was you!you're jealous of me,aren't you?" the way she looked at me sent shivers down my spine.

i took a step backward.i was thinking of escaping.i was frightened and i could feel tears on my cheeks.i ran into the kitchen and annie came right after.i tried to open the back door but to no avail.i screamed for help but there was no voice coming out.i was sobbing hopelessly.

annie was laughing,with the horribly evil laughters of hers.she walked towards me,step by step.she yelled and ran towards me and tried to stab me with the knife.i tried so hard to push this evil being away but i had no enough strength and energy to fight against her.she was simply too strong,like an animal.

i jumped up from my bed.my parents' worried faces appeared right before my eyes.
"honey,it's only a nightmare.we're here,don't be afraid.do you want a hot milo?i go make for you okay?" my mom said before she went out to make me a hot drink.
"dad,it was annie,she was trying to kill me!" i told my father.
"what are you talking about?annie is dead.she can't hurt you anymore,she'll do you no harm." my father tried his best to console me.

he's right.annie is dead.a few years back,she commited suicide right in front of me because she wasn't able to accept the fact that her boy friend was killed in an accident.she went totally insane and accused me of going out with her boy friend behind her back.i miss her so terribly.we used to be so inseperable.she was the only best friend i've ever had.

i wonder if the knocking sound and the dream has anything to do with annie.i guess it was just the bad memory which is still haunting me.i was having some wild illusions and imaginations since annie's death and i'm forced to go under medication since then.perhaps,the knocking sound,is just another imagination of mine.

Elin~ @ 1:40 AM | u hav sumthin 2 say?

Sunday, November 14, 2004

it was my cousin's wedding dinner yesterday night.my cousin looked really pretty yesterday,the gown and everythin...most of all she looked so happy!!of course she is...she's attached to that guy ever since she was in form 3!!hmm...that makes it 14 years until now...amazing huh?that's really a long time right?anything can change during this long period of time,but not their relationship..and i'm truly happy for this pair of newlyweds... (= *envy*

actually it wasn't that much fun for me yesterday,i didn't get to sit with my elder sister *sob sob* i was sitting with one of my closest cousin,my bro,my younger sis and 6 other strangers.hmm...i felt kinda awkward sitting with those uncles actually.they looked so scary,and stern...even when they were smiling at you,it felt like there was something fishy behind it.i just didn't know what to talk to them.what more 1 of them is a datuk (or is it dato'??) ..can't remember his name but he's a very famous datuk in melaka..tan something something...i guess my uncle's really well known in melaka,'coz i saw many datuks,datins and headmasters yesterday in the dinner..i even saw datin hau (my leo club's teacher advisor) there!

there's one thing i've discovered yesterday which proved that our world is such a small place!!i found out that my cousin's husband is actually one of my secondary schoolmate's big brother...which means now we're actually relatives...i wonder if there's any more people out there who's my friend and at the same time is my relative?

Elin~ @ 4:43 PM | u hav sumthin 2 say?

Thursday, November 11, 2004

i wish i know how to fight this feeling,
instead of letting it paralyse me.
i wish i know how to protect my heart,
instead of letting it break into a million pieces.
i wish i know how to hold back my tears,
instead of letting it spill over.
i wish i can live my world of blissfulness forever,
but happily ever after,that's only possible,
when you're living in a fairy tale.

i'm confused,
and i refuse,
to believe in what's real.

if only i could turn back time,
i would.

P/S: you don't know what am i trying to say?neither do i...

Elin~ @ 6:23 PM | u hav sumthin 2 say?

it's prom season again!!i've read about it for a million times in magazines.so it's about picking the right outfit,doing the right hairdo and make-ups and stuff.in a nutshell it's all about dressing up and presenting yourself on that one important night.i've never been to a prom before (sigh...boring high school life in melaka...) but i feel like i'm preparing for one now!!

why?'coz everybody in my family's busy buying new outfit these few days for my cousin's wedding dinner.strange,'coz normally we don't do that,we just wear whatever that we have in the wardrobe.but this time it is different.we're buying new things,from clothes to shoes to handbags to earrings to necklace...everything!!another reason why i feel strange is that my mom's normally kinda stingy(i hope my mom won't see this...=P) but now she's willing to spend so much money just to dress us up...

i went to a few boutiques these few days with my sis and my mom and bought myself a dress.yup u heard it right,it's a dress,a one-piece dress,a pink chiffon dress.oh boy,since when i became so ladylike?i've no idea...i've never really liked pink,i thought it was too girlish.i was never a girlie girl,or at least i don't think i was???until some time ago,i've fallen for pink!whenever i'm buying stuff,be it clothes or shoes or school bag or whatever,the first choice is definitely pink!(i guess that explains the color of my blog skin too eh..?hehe..=P)

i've been doing so much of shopping these few days and i'm now starting to feel guilty.'coz it feels like i'm neglecting my studies.i didn't study for my STPM for bout 3 days already.i can't imagine what will happen when my results come out...i'm starting to freak out now...okay okay,i swear!!i swear i'm gonna spend every minute of everyday for my chemistry from now onwards!! (if u know me well enough,you know it's not possible...=P right,fin?)

Elin~ @ 1:50 AM | u hav sumthin 2 say?

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

i went to Southern Hospital instead of Pantai Hospital today.Went to my dad's ENT doc-Dr. Khanna..well,my dad was his patient since ages ago.yup,my dad's left ear's having difficulty in hearing,in fact it's in the gene,i mean most of my uncles are having hearing problem too.that's why my dad was kinda worried when he heard about the ringing sound in my ear,i guess he was afraid that i might inherit it from him..but today,it was proven that he has nothing to worry about.. (=

when i first saw Dr. Khanna,i seriously thought that he was a white man until i was told by my mom that he's an indian.what a contrast eh?but hey he's fair,and he's got a white man's features,i guess he's a mix-blood.he must be really good looking when he's young coz he still look good even though he's already in his late 50s,or maybe early 60s i'm not sure.eh..why am i talking about my doctor?i should be telling you about my ear right?erm..actually i'm kinda embarassed to tell...well here comes the story.... =P

Dr. Khanna said there was a film of sticky wax in my ear that was why it affected my hearing..huh?so does that make me a dirty cat??but hey...i clean my ear everytime after i take my shower..so how is that possible???but then he added that this is quite common among people,and it's better to go for doc when it happens coz the wax is too deep inside that if you clean it by yourself you're gonna hurt the membrane and blah blah blah..can't remember what he said...but phew...that means i'm not that dirty after all...(am i trying to convince myself?yeah i think i am =P)

so now the problem is solved and i'm truly grateful about that.i should have go for doctor ever since the ringing sound started,that way i won't have to suffer for so long.thanks to my stubbornness.better not be so headstrong next time,doctors are not that scary anyway...

Elin~ @ 7:58 PM | u hav sumthin 2 say?

Thursday, November 04, 2004

it has been bothering me for weeks.i seriously wanna get rid of it but i have no idea how.it has been irritating me so much that sometimes i feel like banging my head against the wall and get it over with...

well,just in case you're wondering what am i talking about,and you most probably are..(= i'm talking about this ringing sound in my right ear.at first i thought it was no big deal,it was probably because water goes into my ear of something like that.but apparently it is not so coz these few days the sound gets louder and louder and louder!!!
i don't think i can stand it anymore..if chopping off my ear would help,i think i would just do it...

you might be wondering why don't i ask a doctor about my situation?just to tell u the truth..i hate seeing doctors!i don't go to them unless it's emergency or when i'm forced to.i particularly dislike seeing dentists.i hate the drilling sound when they are doing dental filling.it makes my hair stands..
it's not that i hate doctors or anything,in fact i look up to them and respect them.they are great people i know (excluding those unethical ones of course) but i simply dislike seeing them...well i guess dislike taking medicine makes me dislike doctors too huh?but hey,you can't blame me,2 years ago i was having these swelling lymph nodes on my right neck and i was forced to go under medication for about 3 months,and almost got myself into the operation room to remove the nodes..come to think of it,what's wrong with the right side of my body???right neck..and now right ear???

i guess my ear problem is driving me nuts.i can't even concentrate in my studies anymore...can u imagine when you're studying alone in the middle of the night and this stupid annoying ringing sound just won't go away??can you imagine when u're doing ur stpm paper and this sound is still trying to distract you?well,i guess i don't have a choice now,got to see a doctor before i go crazy...i have an appointment with a doctor in Pantai Hospital on tuesday.hopefully my problem will be solved...once and for all...

Elin~ @ 1:27 PM | u hav sumthin 2 say?

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

you tried so hard to be someone else,
but you ended up forgetting your true self,
you tried so hard to follow the footsteps of the others,
but deep within your heart,do u know what you really wanted?

you agreed with the crowd without even knowing why,
do you know the meaning of living your own life?
so stretch your wings and learn how to fly,
it is time to head for the bright blue sky.

does not matter what the others have to say,
it is not their lives anyway,
they have no rights to hold you back,no way,
so just be yourself,happiness is not too far away.

P/S: so this is my 2nd one...worse than the first rite?sue fin said the first one is beautiful..but this one...eherm...sigh...never mind!!never give up..practise makes perfect!keke... (=

Elin~ @ 1:06 PM | u hav sumthin 2 say?

i was really nervous yesterday.couldn't sleep until 4 o' clock in the morning...guess i was too tensed up..i should've gone downstairs and continue to study instead of lying on my bed for about 3 hours,but i didn't.i was really sleepy and was having a headache (due to slight fever...T_T) but...i just couldn't sleep~~!!!can u imagine just how frustrated i was at that time...i mean i NEED to sleep and i WANT to sleep but i just couldn't!!damn...

finally,the day has come...our first paper - biology 2
judgement day has come...
the day i'll be dead...
and yea..i'm dead.
but i came back alive soon after the paper..kakaka..=P
i feel so relieve now that biology2 is over...
but there are more to come!!!maths,PA,chem...oh no...*sob sob*

Elin~ @ 1:01 PM | u hav sumthin 2 say?

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[Elin~][19][19850617][eileentai@hotmail.com][msn][melaka.malaysia][icq.126867349]

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